Oh Batman Had A Baby

Oh Batman had a baby

He called him Lad Robin

He dressed him in shorty shorts

And dropped him in the bin.

Oh Lex Luthor found the baby

Who was quite cute, no doubt

Lexy took him along on crime sprees

To act as his look-out.

Robin grew to boyhood

A fine figure of a boy was he!

He wore bright clothes with shorty-shorts

And a mask through which to see.

Oh Luthor had a plan so good

It would make the world sit up, for sure

He needed Batman out of the way

For that he set a lure.

Robin put on his yellow cape

His yellow cape wore he!

And in his red and green and shorty-shorts

Stood down by the sea.

And the tide it began to rise

The tide it rose so high!

As the full moon, like a swollen balloon

Lurched slowly across the sky.

Someone saw Robin on the shore

As the tide surged around his feet

And signalled, the Batsign out

Glimmering above the nightswept street.

Then Batman came on his Batmobile

He roared along the beach!

Like a movie scene, stopped the mighty machine

By Robin, near close enough to reach.

And then it was that the Boy Wonder

Said, “You left me for dead.”

Took a stick, or maybe a brick

And smashed it on Batman’s head.

Batman fell with a hollow groan

And drowned in the rising tide

Yes, Batman drowned, in the rising waves

Drowned right until he died.

Then Batman was a goner

You can check if I lied!

And Lad Robin, with a wicked grin

Took the Batmobile for a ride.

Lex Luthor in the meantime crimed

Oh what a crime spreed he!

And with his load of ill gotten gains

 Back homewards he started to flee.

Now the cops were on his trail

And fast it was they came!

Lex Luthor moved his fastest

But it wasn’t the same.

It was as though it was all over

He’d lost everything once more

Bitterly he thought, and almost forgot

That he’d sent Robin to the shore.

But the Boy Wonder came roaring up

In the Batmobile he came!

And stopped by Lex, laughing aloud

As though it was a merry game.

“Get in, you bald old coot!”

He shouted, and he grinned

And the Batmobile, like the Devil’s wheel

Through the streets it spinned.

And Lex won to his hideout

Got home with all his take

And he lit a candle, on his laden mantle

For his arch-enemy’s sake.

“I’ve done enough,” he declared

“This heist I’ll never top,

So it makes sense, even to the dense

That now I’d better stop.

“I’m the King of Crime right now

What more could I ever need?

I have infamy and fortune

And the Batmobile as my steed.

“So I’ll hand over my reins

You’ll be the King of Crooks, won’t you?

Come with me and we’ll celebrate

With a trip to the zoo.”

And now it is that Lad Robin

Strides across the World of Crime

While Luthor sits in luxury

Batman’s bones roll in grime.

One day perhaps a Catman will rise

Or better yet, a Ratman grow

From out among the oppressed throng

And a gauntlet he’ll throw.

And then maybe the world will see

The beginning of Robin’s fall

But until then, the criminals’ friend

Will stand over the city tall.

And to think it was Batman’s fault

To bin the brat he bred!

It was indeed, that he deserved it

This had to be said.

Someday when the wind moans so

And the sky with clouds is filled

Look for his bones, among the beach’s stones

And if you find them, don’t be thrilled.

Batman was a selfish pig

A capitalist lord as well

And he deserved his warm reception

Among his partners down in hell.

Long may the Lad Robin shine

In his shorty-shorts and yellow cape!

And with his rule, you stupid fool

You yourself need to shape.

And Lex Luthor, holiday home

A blessing on his baldy head!

Long may it glow, in calm and in blow

Until we’re all long dead.

And then the world will be a better place

When Ratman and Robin see

That apart they’re enemies, but

Friends is the way to be.

Then it will be peace and calm

A Golden Age will come!

The only ones who demur then

Will be the criminal and the bum.

Oh Batman had a baby

He called him Robin, oh delight

And Robin killed Batman

And took the world overnight.

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